Witch Switch
by Gmariam
Summary: When Sirius's plans for Hogsmeade backfire, he ends up taking Lily Evans to Madam Puddifoot's instead, only to find James is not at all happy to see them sharing a tart. And when James's date kisses Sirius, Lily storms off as well, leaving him on the floor covered in chocolate. Yet things are even more complicated than they seem…


**Witch Switch**

I should have known something was going on when Evans caught up with me after breakfast. She was walking a little too close, for one, and her fingers brushed against my thigh as we left the Great Hall. I glanced down in surprise, but gave her a snappy grin to cover my momentary lapse.

"'Morning, Evans. What brings you so close to my side this lovely spring day?"

She inclined her head at a couple not far in front of us and rolled her eyes. James was walking with Victoria DeLuca, one of a group of visiting students from a wizarding school in northern Italy. Victoria was pretty, with cute blond hair and a sweet yet spirited personality. Unfortunately, Victoria and I had got off to a bad start when I had accidentally ruined her Manegro Potion in class the week they had arrived. I had meant the simple Color Change Charm for Snape's cauldron, only Victoria had ended up with a potion that had turned her rapidly growing hair a brilliant shade of shamrock green instead.

James and Victoria were holding hands and laughing, and I frowned, because James knew I had hoped to run into her in the village later on and ask her for a Butterbeer or something. "That's new," I remarked, keeping my voice level even though it bothered me to see James going behind my back. I felt a hand graze against my leg again, and was suddenly aware that this was _Lily Evans _next to me, the girl James had been flirting with all year. In spite of his blatant disregard for _my_ feelings, I didn't want him to turn around and see Evans so close, given his recent feelings for her. Hoping I was misreading the situation both ahead of me and next to me, I casually moved away to put some distance between Lily's hand and my leg. "When did that happen?"

"James told me last night at the prefect's meeting he's taking her to Hogsmeade today," Lily murmured. I stared at her in surprise.

"Really?" I asked. "But he was planning…and I was hoping to…" I trailed off, already feeling like a fool and not wanting to make it worse. I shook my head, thoroughly annoyed. "Bloody ponce."

Lily nodded in agreement. "Remus said he has too much homework, and I heard Peter is in detention," she continued.

"What?" I asked again. They hadn't said a word to me. "Bollocks. There goes my day." I was suddenly irritated with my friends for ditching one of our last trips to Hogsmeade; one of them had even stolen the date I'd hoped for.

"Do you want to go to Hogsmeade together?" Lily asked. I raised my eyebrows in disbelief, but she merely shrugged at my reaction. "Just for a while. It's better than going alone, after all."

"Er, well," I waffled, unsure. I could see no reason not to go, other than the fact that James had been planning to ask her out, certain she would say yes. Yet apparently he had changed his mind and had asked out the girl I was interested in instead. I didn't want to upset my best mate, but he was still laughing and holding hands with Victoria in front of us, oblivious to the world around them. Yet I also didn't fancy spending a beautiful April afternoon in the castle brooding about it, and Evans was decent enough for being Head Girl. The fact that she had asked me to Hogsmeade took my mind off my friends leaving me on my own; it didn't occur to me to question her motives.

"Sure, why not," I finally said. A small voice in my head whispered that James deserved it if he got upset; yet another part of me was hoping he wouldn't find out.

"Great," she replied, eyes twinkling. That should have tipped me off, because Evans didn't often get that mischievous look in her eyes. "I'll see you in an hour."

She hurried away, giving James some sort of look as she passed them. I stared at his back, wondering what was going on between him and Lily and Victoria, and why he hadn't said anything about either. I walked back to Gryffindor alone, trying not to dwell on it, but feeling sore nevertheless.

James didn't return, likely off snogging with Victoria. Remus was apparently already at the library studying, and Peter hurried from the dormitory with a mumbled apology just as I entered. I had no idea what his detention was for, but it must have been bad from the way he avoided looking at me.

That should have been another clue. We didn't keep detention-earning accomplishments from one another: we celebrated them.

So after an hour of wasting time in the dormitory on my own, I met Evans at the castle gates, and we walked down to Hogsmeade. It was unusually warm but cloudy, and she took off her sweater to reveal a rather fitted blue dress that went quite nicely with her hair. I tried to think of a compliment that didn't sound crass; for some reason I didn't feel like insulting her, not when she had asked me to Hogsmeade and at least tried to make up for a lost day.

"Nice dress, Evans," I simply said, nodding appreciatively. I almost added something about how James would have loved it, since blue was his favorite color, but then I remembered he was off with the girl I had expressed an interest in, so I didn't; he could score his own points with whomever he pleased.

"Thanks, Sirius," she said, smiling. Hearing my first name from her was an odd sound, and I swallowed awkwardly.

"You're welcome," I said, and we walked on in silence.

"You can call me Lily, you know," she finally said. I felt her hand brush mine and glanced down in surprise. She smiled again, but did not take my hand, thank Merlin. "Evans sounds so…Head Girl."

"Well, you _are_ the Head Girl," I pointed out. "You could dock me points for using your first name."

"Don't worry, I didn't ask you to Hogsmeade to take points from Gryffindor," she said playfully. "I was actually thinking—"

Her words were drowned out by a sudden crack of thunder. She was quick, that's for sure. She cast an Umbrella Charm just in case the skies opened up, and we continued the walk to Hogsmeade under our protective bubble of cool, dry air. She never told me what she was thinking, though.

By the time we reached the village the sun had come out and students were starting to arrive in droves. Far ahead of us we saw James and Victoria. I thought Lily might frown, given her reaction at breakfast, but she just shook her head again, as if simply mystified at the sudden coupling. I grimaced, annoyed with it all. I kept telling myself Evans was a perfectly nice girl to be hanging out with, even if she wasn't the girl I had wanted to run into—that girl was with James, laughing as they turned a corner.

"So where would you like to go?" I asked, trying to show interest. "Honeydukes, Gladrags, Zonko's?"

"Actually, I'd love something from Madam Puddifoot's," she said. "Have you ever been there?"

I gave her a withering look. "Do I look like the type of bloke who hangs out at a place like that?"

"Not really," she replied with a laugh. "But you've never even taken a girl there for a date?"

"I talk them out of it," I replied with a wink. "There are better places for a snog around here."

"Maybe you'll have to show me," she murmured, watching me through lowered lashes. I choked on my response as she laughed. "Come on, let's try it. You might like it."

"I doubt it," I muttered. I had no interest whatsoever in sitting at lacey pink tables with cherubs floating around delivering sickeningly sweet coffees, teas, and sweets. The very thought was already turning my stomach. Why couldn't she have suggested the Three Broomsticks for a Butterbeer—or even the Hog's Head for something stronger?

Again, I should have realized things were not what they seemed, especially when we walked in and saw James sitting at a table with Victoria…and clearly enjoying it. I could have sworn we had all made the same promise third year to avoid the place, but apparently the foreign female influence had changed his mind. I stopped and stared, not sure whether I was more surprised to see my best mate in a frilly tea shop or to see him with the girl I fancied more and more every time I saw them together.

"Come on," said Lily, once again rolling her eyes at James and Victoria. "Ignore them. Let's grab that table in the corner."

This time she did take my hand, and I was too stunned to stop her. I could almost feel James's eyes boring into the back of my head as we made our way to a table toward the back. I tripped over something and thought I heard someone snigger nearby. I suddenly wanted to be anywhere else but there, only Lily sat down, picked up a menu, and began chattering about what to order.

When a dwarf dressed as a fairy arrived to take our order, I couldn't help but snort. Lily got us two raspberry lemonades and a chocolate tart to share. This was starting to look more and more like a date, and I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with that. It felt like a betrayal, and even though I felt betrayed myself, it seemed both immature and redundant to get back at a friend for taking your girl by going out with the girl he liked in return.

I had to admit, though, that Evans turned out to be good company. She had a wicked wit and a sparkling laugh; I could reluctantly see why James liked her so much. I was starting to genuinely enjoy talking with her when our order finally arrived. That, however, was the end of our casual good time.

First she clinked our glasses together, the tiny paper umbrellas dancing around the edges to avoid getting tangled together. Then she took a piece of tart and held it out for me, winking flirtatiously. Glancing around to be sure no one saw us acting like all the other moon-eyed couples vapidly feeding one another, I quickly snapped up a bite and leaned back. Only she shook her head and motioned me forward.

"You've got crumbs on your lip," she murmured, and she began to wipe my chin, almost seductively, with the tip of her pinky finger. Then she licked it off, green eyes boring into mine as she smiled slyly. She began to lean forward, lips parted.

How did I not see it coming?

I suddenly felt my chair yanked out from behind me, and it was all I could do to catch myself from falling to the floor. James spun me around and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. He looked positively livid.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded, jerking his head toward Lily. She sat back and gave him a defiant look. I glanced back and forth between them, certain I had missed something.

"Er, nothing," I replied, trying my best to stay calm. I straightened my shirt and grinned. "Just having tea with the Head Girl, that's all."

"It looked like you were about to snog her, that's what it looked like!" he raged. It occurred to me that he was slightly overreacting, considering he was there with another girl. Victoria was watching our table with obvious discomfort, and I suddenly felt bad for her.

"I was not," I replied when James put the question to me again. I was starting to get defensive; looking back, that's probably how he wanted me to react.

"She was wiping your mouth, idiot," snapped James. "Where did you think that was going to go?"

"Nowhere," I snapped back. "I'm just a slob." Now I was getting irritated; again, that was probably what he wanted, but I played right into it at the time. "And we're just two friends having a drink."

"And a snog," he repeated, sounding petulant. Lily was listening closely, but Victoria still looked embarrassed. The rest of the shop had stopped their own snogging to observe the show at our table.

"Leave it alone, Prongs," I murmured under my breath, holding back as much of my temper as I could. I sensed a major misunderstanding and was suddenly determined to fix it and avoid any more public humiliation—for Victoria's sake, if not my own. "It's not like that."

"Could have fooled me, Padfoot," he murmured back, his voice dripping with sarcasm and anger. Obviously he had no misgivings about making a scene.

I turned him away from Evans, who was watching all this with a highly amused look on her face. "Look, what's it to you, anyway? You'll be in Victoria's knickers in no time."

He raised his eyebrows and gave me a look that plainly said, 'Not bloody likely.' He inclined his head toward Lily. "You know I was going to ask her out."

"Then what are you doing here with Victoria?" I asked under my breath, letting a bit of my own displeasure show. "You know I like her."

"She seemed lonely," James whispered back.

"You're being awfully friendly," I replied bitterly.

"So are you," he snapped in full voice. "I had dibs on Evans months ago—years, even."

"She asked me here," I replied, once again feeling defensive for something that really wasn't my fault. "It's not like she's your girlfriend."

"She will be," he said, sounding ridiculously confident.

"I doubt it," Lily called from the table behind me. "Go back to your date, Potter. Things were just getting started here!"

I blanched. What was she talking about? Was she serious? The look on James face was a combination of mortified and incensed, and I thought for sure that he was going to hit me or hex me. Instead, he dropped a string of curses and uncharacteristically stormed out of the shop. Victoria watched him go with a startled look on her face.

I just stood there, staring in stunned shock at Victoria, Lily, and the bell ringing shrilly over the door. What the hell had just happened?

"Sit down, Sirius," said Lily, digging into the tart again as if nothing had happened. "He'll be fine."

"What about Victoria?" I asked. "Should we ask her to join us?"

"She should probably go after him, don't you think?" Lily asked. She was reacting far too calmly for the Head Girl I'd seen go mental over simple pranks in the common room. I couldn't help but eye her suspiciously.

"You enjoyed that, didn't you?" I asked, sitting down and attacking the tart in a pathetic attempt to drown my ire in chocolate. The irony of it all suddenly struck me hard.

Lily Evans actually winked at me again. "He deserves it."

"What for?" I demanded.

"For being him," she replied enigmatically. She finished her tea and stood up. "Excuse me, I need to use the loo. Get me some more, will you?"

I nodded, thoroughly confused. And then suddenly Victoria was sitting next to me, pulling up a chair, and things got even worse.

"Did she run after him?" Victoria purred into my ear, her hand on my thigh. I practically jumped.

"Er, no," I stammered, feeling an immediate heat in my face as well as several other parts of my body. "She just stepped out for a moment. You should probably budge over a bit…" I trailed off at the look on her face: both pouting and suggestive, she was really rather beautiful, and certainly very enticing.

"My date just walked out on me," she murmured, trailing a finger along my arm. "And seeing as you two are not really on a date, I don't think she'd mind if I joined you, would she?"

"I don't know," I replied, glancing around for Lily. "She's actually acting a bit odd today."

"Must be going around," Victoria replied. Her lips were suddenly directly in front of mine, blue eyes boring into me with passionate intensity. "Because she's not the only one."

And she kissed me. I'd been imagining a snog with her for over a fortnight, and my lips responded automatically. But before I could either break it off or really show her just how good I was, I felt my chair yanked out from under me for the second time that day. This time I hit the floor—hard.

"Bloody hell, Evans!" I exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"Prat!" she snapped at me. "Complete, utter, idiotic prat!" For good measure she dumped the remaining tart in my lap, huffed at Victoria—who I was certain was hiding a grin—and stormed out the door in much the same manner James had only moments earlier.

I sat there in shock, covered in chocolate and powdered sugar. The tea shop stopped as one and stared at me, then went back to their mindless snogging. Victoria finally took pity on me and helped me up, cleaning the tart away with a quick flick of her wand. She slipped her hand into mine as we left the shop. "Come on, let's just go back to the castle."

I looked down at our hands. "Care to tell me what's going on?" I asked. "Because James almost punched me for _not_ kissing Evans. I don't think he'll hold back over _this_." I wiggled our joined hands together, but she did not let go. In truth, it felt rather nice to be holding her hand—almost as nice as the unexpected kiss.

"Well, we've both been ditched, haven't we?" she replied, somewhat coyly. "We might as well enjoy ourselves. Together."

"I will admit I had considered the idea," I replied as we started up the path toward the castle. "Only I was rather surprised to see you with James." I was hoping she might open up about their date, but she just shrugged and snuggled up against my shoulder. I was tempted to put my arm around her, but stopped, unsure how far to take it.

"Obviously it didn't work out," Victoria replied. I vaguely noticed that she did not sound very upset about it. "I was sort of hoping to get to know you better anyway."

"Really?" I asked. Warning bells were going off in my head now. This was turning out a bit too neat and easy, yet the look on her face was actually quite sincere. I hoped she was being honest, but I was beginning to feel like I was being played; I just wasn't sure who was playing who.

"Listen," I said, hoping to get some kind of response from her that might clear up my muddled senses. "Maybe we can work this out. Judging from his reaction, I think James is still stuck on Lily, so if we could set them up somehow, maybe they'll forget about us." I anticipated any number of reactions from her: confusion, disgust, shock at the very thought of such a swap. I did not anticipate her answer.

"Oh, I don't think we'll need to worry about them," she said, smiling mysteriously.

"Why?" I asked as we turned a corner and headed up a hill toward the castle gates. The reason was standing before us in the form of James, Lily, Remus, and Peter. The former were holding hands, and the latter were obviously not studying or serving detention. All four of them were all grinning madly.

"Because we're already together," replied Lily. "That's why."

They laughed at the look on my face. I wasn't sure whether to be angry and jinx them, or thrilled and congratulate them, knowing how James felt about her. I was definitely confused.

"What the hell is going on?" I demanded, dropping Victoria's hand. I pointed a finger at Remus and Peter first. "Obviously you two were in on … whatever this was."

"Naturally," said Remus. Peter tipped his head with a grin.

"And you," I continued, wagging my finger at Lily next. "Obviously going to Hogsmeade with me was just a ruse for…whatever this was."

"Of course," she replied. "I had to make James jealous."

I turned to James. "Only you're already together so that was quite an act."

"Stellar performance, if I do say so myself." He pretended to polish his knuckles on the front of his shirt.

"And what was the point?" I asked, pretending to be wary.

"Happy April Fool's Day, Padfoot," said James, clapping me on the back.

"That was two weeks ago, you thick-headed git." I raised an eyebrow. "You're late."

"Which was the only way we were going to get you," said Remus, joining the circle. "It was tough to wait, but well worth the look on your face at Puddifoot's."

"You were there?" I asked, starting to feel the smallest prickle of embarrassment at the back of my neck. I rubbed at it, but it didn't quite go away; I didn't think I was going to get out of this one.

Peter nodded and held up the invisibility cloak. I shook my head again, remembering how I had tripped and heard a strange snigger nearby.

"So let me see if I've got this right. You two are a couple?" I pointed toward James and Lily and they nodded. "How did you keep that secret? And why? Just for this?"

"Just for this, Padfoot. Hardest thing I've ever done, but totally worth it." James was still grinning like an idiot and it was all I could do to keep from hexing the smirk off his face.

"Well, then—congratulations, I suppose." I paused and narrowed my eyes at them as I tried to figure out their complicated plot. "So you kept it secret and decided to take Victoria to Hogsmeade while Lily asked me. And when Evans did her food thing, you played at being jealous." More nods, more grins. "When Victoria came over and kissed me, Evans took her turn and dumped me on my arse."

They broke down laughing and I couldn't help it: I grinned with them. It was good, I had to admit. They had set me up and done a brilliant job of playing it out. Yet there was one thing that was still confusing, and I crossed my arms over my chest as I faced Victoria. She stared back at me somewhat defiantly.

"I don't get why you were in on this," I said. "These four all have a good reason, given my history at Hogwarts, but why would you help them? What did they offer you?" I asked. "Money? Sweets? Firewhiskey?"

"You," she replied, threading her fingers through mine once again. I glanced down at our linked hands skeptically.

"Me?" I rolled my eyes. "You kissed me just to see me humiliated in front of an entire tea shop of lovesick couples? Is this because of your hair?"

"No, I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you, and I was hoping to kiss you again," she replied, standing on tiptoes to plant a second light kiss on my lips. "But I've also seen the havoc you wreak around here, particularly in Potions." She gave me a very pointed look as she flipped her hair, and I grinned: payback, indeed. "They convinced me it would be a fun and easy way to turn the tables on you, but still end up with the prize in the end."

"What?" I repeated, hovering between doubt and incredulity. I had never had a girl pull a prank as a first date.

"I was trying to work up the courage to ask you if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade," she said. "Only this came up first."

"You were?" I asked, once again sounding as stupid as I felt.

"I had hoped you might ask me, but James said you felt bad about the incident in Potions. So maybe now you can consider us even. I hope there are no hard feelings." She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Because I quite like you, Sirius—in spite of what happened in Potions. The look on your face back there really was adorable."

James and Peter snorted out loud while Remus covered his mouth and laughed silently. Lily made one of those sounds girls make whenever something romantic happens. It hardly seemed the most romantic way to begin a relationship, but I couldn't argue anymore. It wasn't worth it.

I would, however, get them all back before we left Hogwarts. And if Victoria were willing to participate in their prank, I had no doubt she would do the same for me. I could be convincing if need be. Even as we walked across the grounds, laughing as we replayed the scene in Madam Puddifoot's, I ran a dozen different ideas through my head. April Fool's indeed.

Come the last day of N.E.W.T.s, they wouldn't know what hit them.

* * *

**End Notes:**

Many thanks to Carole, whose off-hand comment about clichéd exchange students (and anti-Sirius/Lily love) inspired this story, and to that same Carole, who also helped me Brit-pick. Not only am I not JKR, I am not British. And to Jess for the fun title! Hope you enjoyed it—Happy April Fool's Day!


End file.
